LOZ The Legend of who knows?
by AngelJeanne
Summary: When the mysterious 'AJ' appears in Hyrule, demanding Link and Zelda to work with her to create the greatest one shot ever, what troubles can Link and Zelda expect now? Read to find out! WARNING: 100 percent randomness ensured!


Hey guys and gals I'm a newbie who's currently got a Kingdom Hearts Fic called 'Binding Ties' going. I'm just trying a funny Zelda one shot (A new style of writing for me). It's basically broken up into smaller stories and is in my P.O.V I hope you like it!

I don't own Zelda or any of the characters, they belong to Nintendo (If I did Link and Zelda would've soooo kissed at the end of OOT!)

**WARNING:** Characters are 200 percent more OOC for more randomness!

**A/N **Anywhere it says AJ it's short for AngelJeanne which is me!

**1. It starts so sue me! Actually on second thoughts don't!**

It was a normal day in Hyrule. Link was busy doing what normal 17 year old guys would be doing, well he would be except for the fact he wasn't a normal guy. For one thing he was a guy destined to save the world for the hundredth time already or something, so I wouldn't exactly call that normal, by then again I'm not quite normal myself. But enough about me back to Link; I wonder what he's doing...

"Ruto will you get off me" Link exclaimed at the Zora Princess.

"But Linky-poo I love you!" Ruto replied hanging onto his back.

"Yeah but I don't love you! There's only one girl for me and that isn't you!"

"But Linky..." Ruto began, getting off his back

_(Link's note to self: Must get the hell out of here...)_

Link quickly pulled out the Ocarina of Time and played the Prelude of Light.

"NOOOO LINKY! DON'T...Aww he's gone!"

_**XX **__Temple of Time _**XX**

_(Oh thank God!)_ Link brushed himself over. He saw Princess Zelda was standing by the pedestal.

"Princess, what are you doing here?"Link asked.

"Aaah! Oh Link it's you! I forgot you can warp yourself here, heh!"

"Yeah well...So what's wrong Princess? Why are you here?"

"There's a disturbing force in Hyrule and it's quite strong in the Temple"

"A new evil? Is it the dark side of the force?"

"No it's strong but not evil and not some character from a random Stars Wars parody either"

"Aww...I wanted to get a lightsaber!"

Suddenly out of the blue, Gannondorf appeared "BWHAHAHAHA! I have returned to..."

"Yeah we know already...To take over the world..." Link began rather monotonously.

"...And steal our triforce pieces right?" Zelda stated in the same tone.

"Actually...For once that's not true, you see this person brought me here for reasons unknown..." Gannondorf replied pointing at me. "Well I'll be leaving now..."

"Yes it is I the all powerful WRITER!"

"Oh, boy" Link exclaimed, with Zelda slapping her forehead _(Not again...)_

**2. The contract**

**Link:** What No way!

**Zelda:** I don't remember signing a contract!

**Gannondorf:** Yeah neither do I!

_Link and Zelda look at Gannondorf_

**Link:** I thought you left...

**Gannondorf:** Nah it got boring so I came back, what's for tea?

**Zelda:** ...

**Link:** ...

**AngelJeanne:** ...

**Gannondorf:** Fine I'll just leave then...Again!

_Gannondorf left the convo...Err I meant the Temple!_

**AJ:** It's all here. In this story, I can make you do anything!

**Z:** How?

**AJ:** Let's just say I did Nintendo a favour, I bought a GameCube OK!

**L:** _(Damn you Nintendo!) _Tch fine...

**Z:** Fine... But no '_you know what'_

_Zelda looks at Link quickly..._

**Z:** _'Unless Link's involved'_

**L:** Unless I'm involved in what?

**Z:** Nothing!

**AJ:** Fine so can we work together to make the greatest fic?

**L & Z:** It's a deal!

**3. Dude where's my cucco?**

_Link was magically transported to an empty field or so he thought..._

**L:** What no Princess Zelda?

**AJ:** No.

**L:** Aww!

**AJ:** I'll think about it, maybe later...

**L:** Hmm...

_Link was sitting peacefully on a hill drinking a nice hot cup of coffee._

**L:** Erm...What's coffee? Is it some sort of new LonLon milk? Cos I love LonLon milk!

**AJ:** _(Slightly worried)_ Err...

_AJ retypes again..._

_Link was sitting peacefully on a hill drinking a nice cup of __**LonLon milk**__, when some random cucco from the ranch or possibly out of nowhere, wanted a sip of Link's milk._

**L:** Is it just me or did that sound funny?

**AJ:** It's just you

Link shooed the cucco away, but it kept coming back. Link lost his nerve and unsheathed his Master Sword, "Take this you **** cucco!" and just struck the cucco. Unfortunately for Link, the cucco let out a shriek and tons of cucco came flocking towards Link and attacked like there was no tomorrow...

**4. Manners of a Princess**

**Z:** What happened to Link?

**AJ:** Let's just say he had an _unfortunate 'accident_' Involving cuccos. He's recovering in hospital right now.

**Z:** Oh no poor Link!

**G:** You know, she did that on purpose!

**AJ:** Who asked you? _I kicked him in the groin_

**G:** H...e...l...p...m...e...

**Z:** Ouch! But anyways I've got to go see Link now!

**AJ:** Ok, I'll come too!

_Zelda and AJ leave. Gannondorf was on the floor in pain but I doubt anyone actually gives a damn._

**G:** ...

"Get out of the **** way!" Zelda screamed. The car horn was blaring and thankfully censoring the foul words coming from our dear Princess' mouth.

"I need to get to the hospital now!"

"I'm moving! I'm moving!" The random NPC exclaimed, in the car in front.

"Yeah you better cause I'll **** screw at next **** living thing!

"Swearing insane princess on the rampage! Move or she'll kill us all!" Another random NPC exclaimed

"I heard that! Bastards" Oooh Zelda swore _(AJ forgot to censor oops)_

**5. Link in hospital**

**L:** No...More...Cuccos...

**AJ:** Link? Me and Zelda are here!

**L: **No...More...Cuccos...I...

**Z:** Link! Snap out of it!

**L:** NO...MORE...CUCCOS!!!

**Z:** OH LINK FOR THE LOVE OF NARYU YOU ****

_**XX **__1 WEEK, 3 DAYS, AND 40 SWEAR WORDS LATER __**XX**_

**L:** Hmm? What happened?

**Doctor:** You're going to be okay Link! _(It'll be lucky if he lives)_

**L:** You know I can read your thoughts right?

_Doctor shifts nervously..._

**L:** But seriously, all I remember is YOU _(insert swear word here) _and a huge feminine fist punching me rapidly all...over?

_Everyone but Link stares at Zelda who has been strapped down in a chair with duck tape._

**Z:** What are you looking at?

**6. Fishing blues**

**L:** I'm back! Whoopee!

**AJ:** Glad to see you well Link!

**L:** Three words...

**AJ:** What's that?

**L:** No, more, _Cuccos._

**AJ:** Okay, okay I got the point from the last story!

**G:** Yeah right...

**AJ:** Heard that! _I kicked him in the groin again!_

**G:** N...o...t...a...g...a...i...n...

**L:** Ouch!

_Link was fishing at Lake Hylia..._

"No cuccos? I'm fine then"

"Oh Linky Poo!"

"Oh no...Not her..." _Link looked around frantically but he couldn't see anything._

**L:** Must be the voices in my head talking...

_AJ backs away from Link._

**AJ:** That's slightly disturbing...

_Link carried on fishing and until he finally got a bite!_

"Wow this is a big one!"

"There you are my Linky!"

Link pulled hard on fishing rod and suddenly a big fish like girl fell on top of him _(AJ doesn't know how that is possible but anyways)_ He opened his eyes and Ruto's face was right next to his.

"Damnit Ruto! Get off of me!"

"No Linky...I'm gonna stay right here..." She had an evil smile on her face "And...Maybe I'll" Ruto leaned closer, to his lips...

"Ruto! NO! STOP!" Link struggled but was pinned down again.

_(Damn! Of all the days to leave my sword, it had to be today. Now I have nothing to threaten her with. I should have know my good looks would kill me in the end)_

Link closed his eyes "_Goodbye cruel sweet world_"

_A loud crash!_

**AJ:** What the-?

**Z:** You better put me in this story!

**AJ:** Why the hell do I have to listen to you?

_Zelda narrows her eyes at me dangerously..._

**Z:** How much do you want to live right now?

**AJ:** Okay! Please don't hurt me...

"Get yourself of my man!"

"Who?" Ruto got off Link, who seemed passed out and stood up and saw Zelda,

"Oh it's you...Hey Link's not your man...He's mine!"

"We'll see about that..."

**7. Insults we love them!**

**AJ:** Well this is unexpected...

**G:** No kidding!

_AJ stares at Gannondorf._

**AJ:** After kicking you in the groin twice...How are you still standing?

**G:** I have no idea; maybe you're not kicking me hard enough?

**AJ:** ...What?

**G:** No...Wait...I didn't...

_I kicked him where it hurts, you know where it is by now!_

**G:** S...a...y...a...n...y...

_Gannondorf collapsed again and AJ is pleased with herself grins._

_**XX **__MEANWHILE A CERTAIN PRINCESS IS ANNOYED WITH ANOTHER PRINCESS __**XX**_

"Wow why is that writing in capitals?" Zelda asked AJ. _AJ does not know herself but she does know there is going to be some serious Ruto bashing right now._

"See what you've done now Ruto! Link passed out cos of your fish breath"

"WHAT DID YOU SAY?"

"What did you think I said? Fish face?"

"THAT'S IT! NO ONE INSULTS ME AND GETS AWAY WITH IT!"

_Ruto charged at Zelda..._

"You need to cool down fish face" Zelda used her magic to lift Ruto up and threw her into the lake.

Ruto popped her head up "Oooh I'll get you"

_Zelda ignored her and went to Link..._

"Hey I'm talking here! HOW DARE YOU IGNORE ME!" _(Add long rant here)_

**Z:** Could you shut her up?

_AJ shrugs_

**AJ:** Guess so, it got kinda boring kicking Gannondorf.

**Z:** O-kay...

Ruto magically disappeared back to Zora's Domain for some family crisis or maybe to buy some cookies.._.Mmmm...Cookies..._

**8. A Princesses love...Aww...**

_Zelda crouched down beside Link and gently nudged him..._

"Link?" He didn't respond.

She caressed his forehead, "Link...Please wake up"

"Princess..." Link murmured with his eyes opening slowly. He reached out for her hand "Your hand is so soft" He pulled her gently, and she fell on top of him with a gasp. She got up, with her hands apart on the ground, still on top of Link. His eyes fully opened and her eyes were on him. They were locked on each other.

"Princess, am I your man?" He asked with a smirk.

She tinged a bit and smiled, "What do you think silly?"

"Well..." Link pretended to think hard "...Yes"

She laughed but then stopped and stared at Link, who was enjoying his position_, if you know what I mean?_

"What's wrong?"

"Link...Can I kiss you?"

"Wha-"

"I mean Ruto nearly..." He let out a smile at her reason.

He pushed her back gently, her face getting closer to his, her lips pressed on his. They stayed like this for a moment before they parted.

"What a nice yes" Zelda said dreamily.

"Hmm" Link agreed with a smile.

"Come on let's go back to the castle"

"Sounds good...But I can't get up Zel"

"How about this..." Zelda kissed him again and parted.

"Strength returning..."

_Zelda got off of him and Link got up on his feet. They left holding hands aww..._

**AJ:** Aww...

**G:** I want a girl too

**AJ:** No offence, but threatening to destroy the world, isn't exactly what a girl is looking for in a guy.

**G:** Well I thought it was pretty cool...

**AJ:** No, it isn't and no-one gives a damn what you think anyways...But I guess it would pretty fun to see how you would get a girl!

**G:** Yeah!

**8. Blind date**

_Zelda and Link went back to Hyrule Castle and turned on the T.V_

**Z:** You know there aren't any cars or televisions in Hyrule...

**AJ:** Excuse me, but who's the writer of this story?

**Z:** Um...You?

**AJ:** I rest my case!

**G:** What case?

_AJ looks dangerously at Gannondorf_

**G:** Wait...

_AJ kicks him in the groin anyways for the lulz of course!_

**G:** No...I'm...I...n...t...h...i...s...o...n...e...

**AJ:** I don't think I would ever get tired of doing that!

_AJ grins again looking at Gannondorf who is in extreme pain._

_Link backs away in fear..._

**AJ:** Oh come on Link I wouldn't hurt you, you're awesome and-

_Zelda enters..._

**Z:** You were saying?

**AJ:** Nothing...

_Gannondorf miraculously recovers quickly..._

**G:** Hey let's get on with my story!

**AJ:** If you don't want to get hit in the balls yet _again_, I suggest you shut up and be patient!

**G: **_(Gulps)_...I'll be good...

_Anyway where were we? Oh right... Zelda and Link were watching T.V and it was by mere chance that Blind Date was on... Also by chance that Gannondorf was on it..._

**G:** I'm on at last WHOOPPEE!

_AJ takes a step forward_

**G:** I'll shut up...

**AJ:** Good keep it that way, _or __**else**__..._

"Hi I'm your host Cilla Black and this is Blind Date!" Audience applauds.

"Now to meet our single man" Audiences claps.

_Gannondorf appears and the set goes silent_

"Yeah well hello to you too" Gannondorf sat on the chair.

"Please to meet you" Cilla greeted him.

"You do know who I am right?"

"No, but then again no-one cares, you're only a computer game character"

"Those are the breaks"

"Now to meet our three eligible bachelorettes"

"Well Cilla we have three fabulous ladies of Hyrule! Lady Number 1 is a great swimmer and really good at fishing"

**L:** _(Chokes) _Ruto's on it?!

**Z:** I think AJ zapped her there?

**AJ:** Yeah I think I did...Oh well Gannondorf doesn't know!

**L**: _(Shakes head) _neither does Ruto...

"Lady Number 2 is a really good at playing the ocarina and has a child like personality"

**L:** Maybe cos she is. What's Saria doing there?

**AJ:** I thought it would be funny?

**L:** Hmm...

"Lady Number 3 is not one to be messed with. They have a 'fiery' personality and incredible strength

**L:** Wait a minute that's a goron!

**Z:** You know it would be funny if he chose him!

**AJ:** Count on it...

**L and Z:** Heh!

"On with the questions!" Cilla exclaimed

"Okay this question is for lady number 2, if I was planning to take over the world what would you do?"

"Well, I'd play to you my best song and persuade you not to" Replied Saria

Gannondorf shivered "...Same question for number 3?"

"Oh..." In a bad girly voice "I'll sit back and let you do anything you want hun" Replied the gender confused goron.

"Hmm...Okay. Right next question, this is to lady number 1. What would you do if you saw that kid Link?"

"Well...I'll run up to him..."

"Yes?"

"And kiss him forever all over" Ruto replied manically and proceeded to demonstrate how she would go about that.

**L:** _(Chokes)..._What did she say?

**Z:** She said she'd kiss you.

**L:** Eww...But I'm taken!

**Z:** Damn straight you are!

"...Right and lady number 3?"

"Oh my evil hunk...I'll do anything you'd tell me!"

"Alrighty!"

"You got your girl?"

"Yep! It's definitely Lady Number 3!"

"Okay stand behind this door and lady number 3 please stand behind the door as well"

**L:** I can't wait to see his face!

**Z:** Neither can I!

_The door slid back_ "Oh my evil hunk!"

"WHAT!!!"

**L:** Ouch!

**9. The Final Curtain A.K.A Gannondorf gets kicked...Alot...  
**

**AJ:** Well you're free now; I can't boss you around anymore!

**Z:** How come?

**AJ:** The contract says 9 chapters only.

**L:** Oh.

**Z:** Well it's been fun.

**L: **Yeah!

**G:** YES NO MORE GETTING KICKED IN THE GROIN!

**AJ:** Oh what the heck one more time!

**G:** NO!

_AJ kicks him where it hurts for the nth time cos she know where it really hurts and how to start a chain reaction._

**Z:** Looks fun!

_Zelda kicks him cos it's more fun to kick a man already in pain on the ground._

**G:** NO...WHY?

**L:** Hey let me have some fun too!

_Link kicks him cos he feels left out._

**G:** N..E...E

**Ruto:** Oh what the hell!

_Ruto kicked him too cos Link kicked him._

**G:** C...O..O..K..I..E..S

**Saria:** Oh well!

_Saria kicked him too cos she wants to show she's not always a nice girl._

**G:** G...a...h.

_In fact every character in the Nintendo Universe kicked him...Oh and the producers for reasons I can't list since I'd be here all day._

**G:** ...

**AJ:** Whoops I think we killed him!

**Everyone but Gannondorf:** Oh well!

I hoped you found it somewhat insane and funny. This was just some randomness in my head so sorry for any typos or spelling errors. Now if you could just press 'Review' to tell me what you think of it, while I go back to working on my other fic that would be great!

**REVIEW!**


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